Sex In The Jungle

SEX IN THE JUNGLE

One day Jane met Tarzan in the jungle. She was very attracted to him and, during her questions about his life, she asked him how he managed for sex. "What's that?" he asked. She explained to him what sex was, and he said, "Oh,Tarzan use hole in trunk of tree."

Horrified, she said, "Tarzan you have that all wrong! I will show you how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground, and spread her legs wide. "Here," she said, pointing, "You must put it in here."

Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she managed to gasp, "Why the hell did you do that?"

"Tarzan check for bees!"

Code Word For Sex

CODE WORD FOR SEX

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter.

One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."

The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."

Dancing Joe

Sexy Dan

Wat Did U Do?

Pick the month you were born
1 (Jan) - I banged
2 (Feb) -I smoked with
3 (Mar) -I needed
4 (Apr) - I killed
5 (May) - I stabbed
6 (June)- I shot
7 (July) - I ran shirtless with
8 (Aug) - I robbed
9 (Sept) -I jumped
10 (Oct) - I ran naked with
11 (Nov) -I slapped
12 (Dec) - I cuddled with

Pick the day (​​numbe​r)​​ you were born on

01 - a hobo
02 - a homeless guy
03 -the trojan man
04 - A mop
05 - my lover
06 - my boyfriend
07 - A Stripper
08 - a tooth brush
09 -a pornstar
10 - a rock star
11 - a glass of milk
12 - a teletubby
13 - the cookie monster
14 - a drunk
15 - a crack head
16 -barney the dinosaur
17 - a hot-dog
18 - a whore
19 - a condom
20 -Paris Hilton
21 - the kool-aid man
22 - my exgirlfriend/boyfriend
23 - a bum
24 - a lesbian
25 - a french fry
26 - a tree
27 - a hottie
28 - a bag of weed
29 -
30 - a bowl of cereal
31 - jezzy the snowman
32 - Anthony Ngo
Pick the color of shirt you are wearing

White - because that bitch stole my taco
Black - because I love marijuana
Pink - because I'm good in bed
Red - because I have AMAZING boobs
Brown-because i like to snort cocaine
Polka Dots - because I hate my life
Purple - because I'm gay
Grey - because that douchbag stole my tic tacs
Other - because I have double Ds
Green -because I still love him
Orange - because I'm sexy like that
Turquoise - because I have a noodle in my nose
Blue - because im the sexiest bitch
Tye dye- because Im a F@#^ing scuba diver
None- because i have a killer six pack