Oldie But Goodie

An elderly man in Florida had owned a large farm for several years.

He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely: Picnic tables,
horseshoe courts, a volleyball court, and some apple and peach trees.

The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond and
look it over, as he hadn't been there in a while. He grabbed a
five-gallon bucket to bring back some fruit.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing
with glee. As he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned, "I didn't come down here to watch you
ladies swim naked or make you get out of the pond naked."

Holding the bucket up he said, "I'm here to feed the alligator."

Old men can still think fast.

Food, Recipes World's Largest Restaurant

Syria may already boast some of the world's best food, but now it can also claim the world's largest restaurant.

The 6,014-seat Damascus Gate has taken the accolade from a Bangkok eatery serving a mere 5,000 diners.

The crucial test for Guinness World Record officials is all the tables are properly catered for, and they likened the Syrian kitchen to a "mini-factory". One item not on the menu is a draught of the famous black Irish brew, however. The restaurant does not serve alcohol.

Located in a Damascus suburb, the family-owned restaurant called Bawabet Dimashq in Arabic, was opened more than three years ago.

At the time, the owner's son and now general manager Muhannad Samman was studying in London. He thought of contacting the Guinness people about the $40m project and the process of verification began from there.

Production line

During the busy summer months up to 1,800 staff are employed in the 54,000 sq-m dining area and 2,500 sq-m kitchen.

The open air area complete with waterfalls, fountains and replicas of archaeological ruins for the summer, and there are separate themed sections for Chinese and Indian cuisine.

"The secret of feeding so many people is to divide up the restaurant into smaller sections and every person in the restaurant has their own task to fulfil," Mr Samman told the BBC.

The kitchen is a like a production line, he says, where one chef can prepare 25-30 helpings of popular dishes, such as hummus, in one minute - that's one bowl every two seconds.

And there is absolutely no compromise on the standard of food or service Mr Samman insists.

"In this part of the world, all people care about is their stomachs, so the food has to be the best."


Story HERE

Funny There Was This Koala...

A koala was sitting in a gum tree...... smoking a joint When a little lizard walked past, looked up and said,'Hey Koala! What are you doing?'

The koala said, 'Smoking a joint, come up and have some.'
So the little lizard climbed up and sat next to the koala where they enjoyed a few joints.

After a while the little lizard said that his mouth was 'dry'and that he was going to get a drink from the river.

The little lizard was so stoned that he leaned too far over and fell into the river.

A crocodile saw this and swam over to the little lizard and helped him to the side.

Then he asked the little lizard, 'What's the matter with you?'

The little lizard explained to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

The crocodile said that he had to check this out and walked into the rain forest, found the tree where the koala was sitting finishing a joint.

The crocodile looked up and said, 'Hey you!'

So the koala looked down at him and said,





'Shiiiiiiiiiiit, duuuuuude.....
How much water did you drink?!!'

Funny Difficult Things To Say When Drunk

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon







THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Transubstantiate










THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.
4. Burger king ? No thanks, I'm not hungry.
5. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?
6. Oh, I couldn't! No one wants to hear me sing karaoke.
7. I'm not interested in fighting you.
8. Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no
coordination. I'd hate to look like a fool!
9. Where is the nearest bathroom? I refuse to pee in this parking lot or
on the side of the road.
10. I must be going home now, as I have to work in the morning

Tips On Pumping Gas

I got this from an email..........


> TIPS ON PUMPING GAS
>
> I don't know what you guys are paying for gasoline.... but here in
> California we are also paying higher, up to $3.50 per gallon. But my line
> of work is in petroleum for about 31 years now, so here are some tricks to
> get more of your money's worth for every gallon..
>
> Here at the Kinder Morgan Pipeline where I work in San Jose , CA we deliver
> about 4 million gallons in a 24-hour period thru the pipeline. One day is
> diesel the next day is jet fuel, and gasoline, regular and premium grades.
> We have 34-storage tanks here with a total capacity of 16,800,000 gallons.
>
> Only buy or fill up your car or truck in the early morning when the ground
> temperature is still cold. Remember that all service stations have their
> storage tanks buried below ground. The colder the ground the more dense the
> gasoline, when it gets warmer gasoline expands, so buying in the afternoon
> or in the evening....your gallon is not exactly a gallon. In the petroleum
> business, the specific gravity and the temperature of the gasoline, diesel
> and jet fuel, ethanol and other petroleum products plays an important role.
>
>
> A 1-degree rise in temperature is a big deal for this business. But the
> service stations do not have temperature compensation at the pumps.
>
> When you're filling up do not squeeze the trigger of the nozzle to a fast
> mode. If you look you will see that the trigger has three (3) stages: low,
> middle, and high. In slow mode you should be pumping on low speed, thereby
> minimizing the vapors that are created while you are pumping. All hoses at
> the pump have a vapor return. If you are pumping on the fast rate, some
> other liquid that goes to your tank becomes vapor. Those vapors are being
> sucked up and back into the underground storage tank so you're getting less
> worth for your money.
>
> One of the most important tips is to fill up when your gas tank is HALF
> FULL or HALF EMPTY. The reason for this is, the more gas you have in your
> tank the less air occupying its empty space. Gasoline evaporates faster
> than you can imagine. Gasoline storage tanks have an internal floating
> roof. This roof serves as zero clearance between the gas and the
> atmosphere, so it minimizes the evaporation. Unlike service stations, here
> where I work, every truck that we load is temperature compensated so that
> every gallon is actually the exact amount.
>
> Another reminder, if there is a gasoline truck pumping into the storage
> tanks when you stop to buy gas, DO NOT fill up--most likely the gasoline is
> being stirred up as the gas is being delivered, and you might pick up some
> f the dirt that normally settles on the bottom. Hope this will help you get
> the most value for your money.
>
> DO SHARE THESE TIPS WITH OTHERS!
>
> WHERE TO BUY USA GAS, THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT TO KNOW. READ ON
>
> Gas rationing in the 80's worked even though we grumbled about it. It might
> even be good for us! The Saudis are boycotting American goods. We should
> return the favor.
>
> An interesting thought is to boycott their GAS.
>
> Every time you fill up the car, you can avoid putting more money into the
> coffers of Saudi Arabia . Just buy from gas companies that don't import
> their oil from the Saudis.
>
> Nothing is more frustrating than the feeling that every time I fill-up the
> tank, I am sending my money to people who are trying to kill me, my family,
> and my friends.
>
> I thought it might be interesting for you to know which oil companies are
> the best to buy gas from and which major companies import Middle Eastern
> oil.
>
> These companies import Middle Eastern oil:
> Shell........................... 205,742,000 barrels
> Chevron/Texaco......... 144,332,000 barrels
> Exxon /Mobil............... 130,082,000 barrels
> Marathon/Speedway... 117,740,000 barrels
> Amoco.............................62,231,000 barrels
>
> Citgo gas is from South America , from a Dictator who hates Americans. If
> you do the math at $30/barrel, these imports amount to over $18 BILLION!
> (oil is now $90 - $100 a barrel)
>
> Here are some large companies that do not import Middle Eastern oil:
>
> Sunoco..................0 barrels Conoco...................0 barrels
> Sinclair.................0 barrels B P/Phillips............0 barrels
> Hess.......................0 barrels ARC0.....................0 barrels
>
> If you go to Sunoco.com, you will get a list of the station locations near
> you.
>
> All of this information is available from the Department of Energy and each
> is required to state where they get their oil and how much they are
> importing.